It was the second week in December. I wished I remembered exactly what day I was told that Nathan was going to be different, but I don’t. I enjoyed this pregnancy, hardly gaining any weight (unlike the 40 lbs with Audrey). I was all geared up for the holidays and the one month arrival of our baby boy. I went for the routine check-up, all looked good. The doctor thought we should get a weight on the baby so I stepped into another room for the ultrasound. At this point I was thinking that the baby must be a good size. Audrey was 8 lbs. 10 oz. leading me to believe a 9lb. baby was coming.
I’m laying down with the squishy jelly on my belly, the wand moving up and down, the tech clicking buttons. God, when is she going to be done I thought. Audrey was with me and getting antsy. She wipes off my belly and said she’ll be right back. She leaves, comes back to take me to an examine room. I’m thinking I’m going to hear about how big Nate is. The doctor comes in, she sits on a stool by the window. Audrey’s on the chair by the sink, I’m up on the examine table. I think now about how much I remember and how much I don’t. The doctor starts by commenting on Nate’s long bones measuring short. “Short?”, I begin to wonder what’s going on. She comments on what the normal value is and that Nate’s is this range and that’s this many weeks. He’s behind. My body goes numb. I think, “hold yourself together, show her no fear.” Then I think about Audrey, “don’t let her know that something’s wrong. A 3 year old won’t understand. Anyway, we don’t know for sure. I need to have a specialist ultrasound to verify and confirm. It’s scheduled one week later.
One week I had to sit with this news. Checking my emotions. I don’t want everyone to know how scared I am for him (I know nothing about dwarfism-NOTHING). I cry only to my mother, isn’t that what a daughter should do? I immediately start my internet research. It’s frustrating to hear about all the complications and thinking that your child is going to have a hell of a ride… if he survives. One should never research on the internet or at least know of a reputable website. A week passes and Matt and I head to the second ultrasound
This place was such a doctors office in a hospital. It was cold and uninviting. This was where we are going to get the confirming news.?The ultrasound room was big and dark, too big. Another tech, another ultrasound, now waiting for the doctor. (Not a racial slam) An Indian doctor comes in the room and begins talking, great an accent. It always sounds worse with an accent. Not only do I have to understand what she’s saying but I have to “understand what she’s saying.” The gist: his long bones are short, his head is large…looks like a 9 lb baby…he will have achondroplasia dwarfism…we see this in fathers who are 35 and older. Okay, since my husband and I are both 28 does that mean your wrong? Should have asked that question. To this day, that pisses me off, what relevance does our age have to do with this. I did a non-stress test and then it was time to go. I really just wanted to get the hell out of there. I want to feel my emotions and not swallow them back down.
By now it’s night. Dark, cold and rainy. Once again, we had Audrey with us. Time to go get some dinner, head home and call it a night. Matt and I still needed to talk, one of the stresses in the marriage. What was his feelings on the whole situation. I feared that he would blame me. Nate is his only son. Maybe I did something wrong. He really surprised me and was quite a strength through the whole 3 weeks. Yes, after the first mention that Nate was to have dwarfism, I had to wait for 2 holidays to pass. To date, the worst Christmas ever. I just wanted to know that he was okay. The holidays are the worst time for needing to see a doctor. After many frustrating conversations and arguments later, Nathan was scheduled as a C-section on Jan. 4th. I couldn’t wait to see my little guy. That morning, they told me I could deliver him naturally. No way, I’m here for a C-section and I want my baby now. Nathan was born at 9:03 a.m. weighing 7lbs 6oz. Not the 9 lbs they said. He was beautiful, and healthy and doing just fine. I saw him for a little while before he was taken to the NICU. There they did a full work-up (x-rays) and 5 hours later I got to see him. I took one look and knew he had dwarfism. I saw those characteristics but he stole my heart and I didn’t care about how he would look. I never really did, I just wanted him to be healthy and happy. And that’s where we are today!
3 comments:
Isn't it crazy that our little one's are going to be two in January!!! Geez! I completely agree with you, that Christmas was a real rough one! We were told the whole time that Sonya would not survive! I also lost my dad then in April, so that Christmas was bitter sweet. Tough because I had all that craziness to go through pregnancy wise and knowing my dad had cancer, but sweet because it was my last Christmas with my dad. I just love those pictures of Nate! Bowl on the head, priceless! What a sweet newborn pic too!
it's amazing how similar a lot of our stories are, but what is amazing is this blogging outlet. It will really be a help to all those moms who find out about their children and so desperately need a resource-to see pictures and hear stories and know it is going to be OK! Nate was one precious little infant and a super duper cute little guy now!
What a handsome boy Nate is, and I'm so happy that he is healthy and happy! Wow - he's almost 2 already!! He looks so sweet in his newborn picture!
Your story brings back a lot of memories. I remember asking with every ultrasound - how does his heart look, how do his lungs look, etc., and feeling relief when they would say that all of Simon's organs looked good. I can imagine how tough that Christmas and New Year's were for you. Like Kim said, it is great that we have our blogging community to share with other new moms that are looking for info and to see and hear that everything will be okay! I still need to post our story a day soon.
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